Remember When People Pushed Your Buttons and You Thanked Them Later

This might help us share boldly

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash.

I was just reflecting on my long-time desire to inspire compassion for animals through writing. This includes saying things to challenge ways we usually view animals and suggesting practices we can change to reduce their suffering. Of course, my commentophobia presented a bit of an obstacle to engaging in such discussions.

“At the end of the day,” I wrote, “I have to remember how grateful I feel to have gotten to go vegan. Without friendly, convincing writing out there on the internet that transformed my budding concern about animals into a lived philosophy, I might never have succeeded at the switch.”

This leaves me feeling more confident in saying what I have to say, despite the risk of causing offense — and I would hope that such thinking could inspire confidence in others, whatever your heartfelt, well-thought-out messages to the world may be.

Not everyone will like your words, but someone is bound to resonate (immediately, or after struggling with it for a while). Eventually, even some of those who reacted negatively at first will feel grateful for what they heard.

Admittedly though, by the time I was 13 and reading websites like LOBSA (Liberation of Brother and Sister Animals), I was already pretty convinced I wanted to go vegan. So what about those times someone actually boiled my blood? Did even those ultra-angering comments later prove to be helpful?

I can think of several times like that:

• I used to be so mad whenever I read anything transphobic, and I avoided seeing it. Then, I deliberately read lots of anti-transgender articles on the internet. Even though I still completely disagree with much of it, confronting critics of my identity and of the movement that saved my existence helped me feel more at peace with myself. It also helped me recognize missing links in trans activism that I might bring to the table.
• I was mad when family members saw my long, stringy hair and suggested I cut it short. Hmm, would they say that to me if I wasn’t transgender? Still, their feedback made me determined to keep my hair freshly washed and looking its best.
• I still get incredibly annoyed by relationship advice, even when I asked. It’s because deep down I’m worried I’ll never find someone and am doomed to be alone. Understanding why I’m triggered, I can just accept people’s feedback with a smile. Let it percolate until later, when I’m ready to decide whether I agree with it or not and whether any followup action or discussion is warranted.

Honestly, I can’t say that all the annoying feedback I’ve gotten in my life was ultimately helpful. Sometimes, the person’s words were just plain presumptuous, and all their overconfidence did was leave unnecessary bruised feelings. I’ve doubtless done the same to others.

However, for those of us who tend to be very agreeable and conflict-shy, we’re usually not at risk of permanently deflating someone’s balloon. The bigger danger, in most situations, is that we won’t speak enough truth.

So tomorrow morning, I return to my keyboard and write for the animals, who deserve no less freedom and happiness that any human. And I write for the humans who will resonate with my challenging animal rights messages. I know I will push some buttons, and the comments will push mine right back, but everything is said with love and it will do good in the end.

“Go out there, be brave,” is my advice to myself. “Don’t write to push buttons, write to open hearts and exalt minds, but know that the pushed buttons are often a good sign. Embrace the well-intended button-jabbing and create a life of faster learning and growth for yourself and those around you.”